There's only one constant in life, and that is change. I am the poster child for change. I've been on the opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to lifestyles and opinions. However, my latest change in lifestyle/opinion has been, by far, the most grand and the most rewarding! What is my reward? Eternal life...
Let me back up and start somewhere towards the beginning. I did not grow up in a Christian home. I sometimes think how wonderful that may have been to have had a life where my family attended church and relied upon God to get them through the tough times, and there were many tough times. However, that was not my lot in life. My parents were very good parents and raised three children that are all very high functioning adults, each with a good moral foundation. My mother taught us to not steal, cheat, or lie...I thought as a child that had I done any of those things, and she ever caught me...she would have buried me in the backyard and told everyone that I ran away!!
I was raised in a small town. Many of my friends did attend church with their families at a local Southern Baptist church. At the age of 12, I decided that I wanted to be like my friends and attend church. So, I would ride the church bus on sunday mornings and attend sunday school and services. Everyone at the church was nice enough, but I always had the feeling deep down that I just wasn't as good as my friends because my parents were not there with me. The preacher also scared me to death because all of the sins he preached about, that would certainly land you a place in hell with fire and brimstone, were sins that I could pretty much just go home to. Well, after a few months, I was saved and then baptized. I took this very seriously and tried with all my heart to live as a Christian. I would even ask my parents to attend with me...non-stop begging that always ended up with a firm...NO! I was frightened beyond measure that all of us were going to burn in hell for eternity!
This went on for about 9 months, but my life as a Christian had an abrupt ending when the preacher made an unexpected visit to our house one Saturday morning. It was my mother's routine to deep clean the house on Saturdays and I always had to help. This particular Saturday, we were busy cleaning and the doorbell rang. My mother answered the door, holding a cigarette in her hand. Ok, in my 12 year old mind...maybe the cigarette isn't such a bad thing but oh, wait a minute...HER T-SHIRT!!! OH NO, SHE'S WEARING THE MOST RUDE, LEWD, SEXUALLY ORIENTED T-SHIRT IN THE WORLD (remember, 12 year old mind)! My mother was wearing a t-shirt that her sister had given her as a gag gift. She would have never worn it out in public, remember, we were deep cleaning the house. The shirt showed two pigs mating and had the inscription saying "Makin' bacon". I was horrified! The preacher now knows that my parents are sinners and my life was over!! (again, 12 year old mind) I was too embarrassed to return to church.
Fast forward to my mid twenties. I began searching for some sort of spirituality. I landed firmly into the pagan community and considered myself a witch. I was fully equipped with the latest and greatest herbs, wands, potions, garments, jewelry, spells, and broomstick! I practiced witchcraft for years and even led people to that lifestyle. I had patients that even came to me simply because I was a witch and could offer alternative medicine many times. I read, studied and knew my craft very well...but, no matter how much I tried to convince myself of my spiritual health, it just never completely satisfied my spiritual hunger. Something just wasn't right!
At the age of 49 I began to spiral into a deep depression. I'd had 2 failed marriages and one failed long term relationship. I found myself alone and very depressed. One day I bought a book titled "Our Daily Bread". It was a small book in a leather looking cover with a cute cow on the front. I truly only bought the book because of the way it looked, I didn't care about the contents. I threw it aside and pretty much forgot about it. Several months later I had hit the bottom of my personal pit and was sitting alone one weekend feeling like I was the most "alone" person in the world. I cried most of the weekend and the word that kept creeping into my thoughts was ALONE! I woke up Sunday morning April 17, 2011, and I grabbed my cigarettes and that cute little book and went to the garage to smoke and cry some more. As I sat, smoking my cigarette, I picked up that cute little book and decided that I would just randomly open it and read what it had to say. I opened it randomly and I just about fell out of my chair. At the top of the page, in large letters....NEVER ALONE, Hebrews 13:5 ...I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. A feeling came over me and I was constrained to get to a church! It's difficult to describe the feeling but I knew that I HAD to go to church and accept Jesus Christ as my Savior. I had not been to a church in this town except one time previously, back in 2007.
In 2007, I was on call one day and a very sick, dying man came to the hospital. His name is Greg Hawn and he is the pastor of Tabernacle Baptist Church. I took care of him for 21 days in the hospital and got to know him and his wife a bit during his hospitalization. He knew a little about me also. He and his wife were very kind to me and never judged me. He got better and the church invited me to attend his first sermon back after the illness so that they could give me a plaque thanking me for taking good care of their pastor.
So fast forward to April 17, 2011 when I jumped up and knew I had to attend a church....aahhhaaaa I'll go to the only church I knew of, Tabernacle Baptist Church. I sat through the sermon and I was amazed because it felt like Pastor's sermon was directed at me, that he somehow knew my story and prepared a sermon just for me. I was saved that morning and baptized the next week, on Easter Sunday. The day I got saved, I told Pastor and his wife that I was hitting the ground running and I wasn't looking back...and I haven't looked back! I have been so hungry to learn God's Word and to learn how to have a relationship with our Lord. I've started my discipleship with Pastor's wife, Kim. I enrolled in Bible college and attend class every Thursday. I've surrounded myself with Christian people that have helped me in so many ways. They've been role models, teachers, fellow Christians but most of all...they've been my friends. ~Proverbs 27:17
Now, does this mean that I'm pretty perfect? Nope, not at all! I'm still a sinner, but because of God's grace and mercy, I'm a sinner that will go to heaven and have eternal life. ~John 3:16
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